Loneliness and Men’s Mental Health by Guest Writer Holly Dodd

Loneliness and Men’s Mental Health: How to Notice the Signs and Be There

Many men who find themselves experiencing isolation often struggle to seek help, which is devastating. This is often because of factors like societal pressures, and we need to act now to make a change. Men’s mental health is a conversation we must keep having, and as a society, we all have a part to play in breaking the stigma and raising awareness. 

(Source: https://unsplash.com/s/photos/men-having-coffee?)

Why Do Some Men Become Lonely?

If someone is struggling with loneliness, the reasons why won’t always be the same. However, some of the factors below tend to be prevalent among men of all ages:

• Societal Pressures: If you were to imagine the characteristics of a man, then words like strength, masculinity, and independence may come to mind. These characteristics have been reinforced by society and often cause men to suppress their emotions. If someone feels unable to express how they feel, it can build up and cause them to become isolated with their thoughts.
• Becoming an Adult: Another societal pressure placed on men is that they need to be focused on their careers and future. Many men feel pressure to be financially successful, which can lead to less free time to see friends. As they become older, there are other reasons they may lose friends, such as geographical changes and starting a family.

My friend (whom I’ll call Rowen, age 28, for anonymity) had a difficult experience with loneliness as he went into adulthood. Here’s what he told me:

“After leaving university, it took me three years to get into the career I wanted. In that time, I felt like a failure and like everyone was silently judging me. It seemed as though all my friends were going into their dream jobs, and I was being left behind. I quickly stopped meeting friends and talking to my family as much, but it all made me feel worse. I lived alone, which probably made it worse as well. I’m feeling much happier now, and through therapy, I’ve learnt to be kinder to myself and to reach out.”

• Low Self-Esteem: It’s very easy to have a lack of confidence in this day and age with the likes of social media. Online platforms can sometimes reinforce some of the societal pressures mentioned above, which can make some men feel like they aren’t doing enough.

What Are Some of The Signs of Loneliness In Men?

If you know what the signs are, you’ll know what to look out for.

They Don’t Have Many Friends

Many health professionals view socialising as a basic human need. If someone doesn’t have much of a social circle, they may begin to feel lonely. This sign is often prevalent in elderly people because they may have lost people over the years, live alone, and might be home often if they’re retired.

Social Withdrawal

It might seem strange that someone who is feeling lonely would avoid social situations, but there are many reasons why. It can relate to a loss of connection with the world, low self-esteem, depression, social anxiety, and fear of being rejected or judged. They may also struggle to keep eye contact when having a conversation, which can be due to low confidence.

My friend (whom I’ll call Paul, age 25, for anonymity reasons) struggled with social withdrawal due to his anxiety in his teenage years. I asked him about this and he said:

“When I was around 13-16, whenever I would go to talk to people, it’s like nothing would come out of my mouth. I don’t know why it would happen, but it was like I’d feel a pit in my stomach, and I’d get so anxious. When my friends asked me to meet, I’d get that same feeling, and quickly stopped meeting up with them. When I was 17, I got into football. It made me feel like I was part of something, and it really helped build my confidence. Talking to people started to feel easier, and I became close friends with a lot of the boys on the team. We’re still close today.  Although I still get anxious sometimes, compared to how things were, I’ve come a long way.”

Changes in Mood

If someone seems irritable and their mood is low, this could be due to loneliness. These negative emotions can cause a vicious circle that can feel almost impossible to break out of. They may be doing their favourite hobbies and activities less, and their motivation levels might seem lower than usual.

How Can You Be There?

Don’t put pressure on yourself to make all their problems go away – because you simply can’t. But there are ways to offer your support.

Provide Your Presence

Checking in regularly through texts, phone calls and meeting up can make a difference. Going for a coffee, a walk, or a trip somewhere like the local museum allows them to get out of the house and create memories. Simply being there to listen can enable them to express how they feel, which could lift a weight off their shoulders. Validating their feelings is a great way to help them feel less alone.

Suggest Activities They Might Enjoy

There are many clubs out there, whether it’s sport-related, creative or nature-based, there’s a lot to discover. Volunteering opportunities also allow people to meet other like-minded individuals. You might even decide to pursue a new hobby together, like kickboxing or hiking. Hobbies don’t just fill time – they can also help create a sense of purpose and routine.  Start by asking them what they enjoy or if they’d be interested in trying something new. Together, you can create a list of ideas and search the internet to see what’s available locally.

Discuss Finding Professional Support

If they’re struggling with their mental health, then getting professional help (such as therapy or counselling) can allow them to navigate complicated thoughts and feelings. Joining a support group is also a way of meeting people who may have similar experiences. At Mankind, we provide a safe space for men to share their emotions without feeling judged. We meet online weekly with like-minded men from a range of backgrounds who are able to provide support for each other, all in a safe environment.

Final Thoughts

If you’re seeing the signs that someone in your life may be lonely or acting more withdrawn, start by having a conversation with them. A text or a call could be the lifeline they need, and your support might mean more than you’ll ever know.